An Open Letter Of Love Across the Border

To my beloved Shazia,

“Shazia has an Arabic origin. It refers to a girl who is ineffably beautiful yet devoid of the scorn that such beauty is usually associated with, a girl who is jocund yet sincere, a girl with great wit and knowledge yet she would be one of the humblest person you would ever come across...”, you broke into laughter. I kept on staring at you in awe as you presented that compendious account of the provenance of your name and I blurted out a line, “You are one of those who live up to their names to the fullest”. You gave that enthralling smile and my heart missed a beat.

This letter is an avowal as I pen down the thoughts that occupy the most secret corners of my heart. Today I am in my frankest self.

When I was apprised of the proposed student exchange program that my college would be conducting with a college in Islamabad, as a part of establishing goodwill between the estranged neighbours, I admit, that I was severely disappointed having believed always that nothing except war can settle dispute between India and Pakistan. I always felt that most Pakistani citizens have a propensity towards violence. Fate decided to change my views and took me to the place whose name I had loathed till then.

On the very first day we had a debate on whether capital punishment should be done away with in both the nations. This was the place where I saw you for the first time. That debate would always be the most memorable one of my life. You rose to go for the motion as I, sitting in the opposition bench, stared at you in contempt. You started presenting your argument in an inimitable style and declared that Indian prisoners even if convicted of as serious charge as espionage shouldn’t be executed as judicial killing had never fructified. This was the point when I looked up and stared at you with respect. As you elaborated on your notions of peace, I felt my stubborn belief for years that Pakistan and violence are synonymous, getting thwarted. By the time you ended, the seed of admiration was already sown in my heart. When I saw you vehemently clapping with an expression of appreciation on your face after I finished, it was an unprecedented experience for me as I had never met anyone who respected opponent with such veracity. Well ma’am, the saplings of love were out from the seed by then. I won the debate but was beginning to lose my heart.

Then I remember the recess period when I interacted with you personally for the first time and exchanged our views on world politics. You amazed me again when I realized that you knew more of Indian mythology and Hindu epics than I did. As my ears were giving you a patient hearing, my eyes overwhelmed with admiration explored your face which was partially concealed behind dark, shiny strands of hair hanging down. I loved the way you ran your fingers and flicked your hair behind your ears, unravelling your face from the dark strands that were lending a mystic air to your face all the while. I fell in love with your eyes, so deep and intense with a contagious serenity radiating from them that can calm even the most turbulent soul. Your placid, unmitigated smile that stayed glued on your face seemed like a balm to the deepest agonies of my life and your words constituted the quantum of solace every soul seeks for, in this tumultuous world.

That one month of student exchange course was the best time of my life. Although we have spoken over whatsapp ever since I returned to India, I could never gather the courage to be so honest with you. I had thought of proposing you last week but failed to muster courage though I believe we both could make out the feelings that we had been harbouring for each other. Finally I forwarded my proposal late in the night yesterday and went off to sleep full of exciting apprehensions. In the morning, I frantically switched on my phone to find the message delivered but yet to be read. Just then my news app pops, notifying about a bomb blast at a busy market place in Islamabad~”Bomb blast claims life of a young lady, leaves others injured.” Full of worst premonitions, I switched on the app iterating the same prayer, “God, please keep her safe.” The article showed the picture of the lone casualty, the gory face of a young lady, a life nipped in the bud. I always claimed that my eyes can find you no matter what. Fate was having a cruel laugh putting my claims to test. The phone dropped from my hand and I wished ardently ~let my eyes be deceived, let my tall claims of finding you be proved hollow. The name of the victim confirmed my worst fear ~the fear of losing you forever. I could feel the pain from your blood-smeared face, the tranquillity of your face engulfed by violence. The heavenly smile was no more there and the realization dawned on me that the smile, no matter how eternal it seemed, was also subject to the confines of mortality.

Your words rang in my ears~”It’s the fear of losing a person that makes us love the person even more.” I thought of ending my life for an instant but how could I? You always taught me how I should never surrender in life. My proposal would remain unread but you always said,  ”True love needs no formal proposal.”  Maybe my expressions were enough to courier my feelings to your heart.

My eyes have welled up yet I am smiling as I distinctly visualize my Shazia reading this letter with that innocent, refreshing smile in an unknown land. I am sure you would wait for me until my time expires in this mortal world and I transcend the mortal boundaries to the immortal land of eternity. We would unite and I hope there would be no political boundaries and religious fanaticism to separate us again.

You made an obdurate individual like me revisit and reconsider his longstanding beliefs. Your words would continue inspiring me and I would always abide by your noble principles. That defines why I didn’t precede your name with the term ‘late’ while addressing you at the beginning as the term, I believe, contains in it the seed of ‘goodbye’. I remember when you came to see me off at the Islamabad airport and I hugged you and whispered in your ear ‘goodbye’, you whispered back in mine, “It’s never goodbye..it’s eternal.”