THE SIGHTS OF LOVE # PART-3/7

“The lights of life, I’m learning to survive,

Strange! Never felt so good, getting revive.

Being with you is making me oblivious,

And when not, desperate and curious.”

​

And here we are sitting in front of each other for the first time. I never thought actually that we will be meeting like this sometime ever. Sometime like this away from our groups and friends, but we did!

I am getting nervous and looking out in my mind that what should I say? You too are sitting silently with griming face. That is really making me queasier and I did really start hitting the floor with my heels. I didn’t realize that hitting it is so hard that everyone seems aware of what I was going through. I tried to squint up to see your face that whether you are still looking at me in the same way and oh! what I’m looking is that you are hinting me something. I didn’t catch it until I watched here and there, everywhere and realized that it’s the sound of my heels that everyone is hearing to and looking at me, laughing and some are making a video of me when I am doing this absurd thing. It made me attained in front of you and I am trying hard to stop my legs. Thanks Jesus that finally I make it halted. I am sorry for this but how could I apologize to you right now when I am not able to see in your eyes after this crazy thing that happened right now.

And finally the waiter comes to take our order.

““A Cappuccino please””

We both said together and this made me look towards you without any hesitation but this courage lasted for less than a second and again when I met your eyes we both got diffident and I looked down before you. The waiter took the order and went away after looking at you.

… (5 minutes passed away in silence)

And finally you broke the ice by asking about myself. Such a funny topic to start with. And I did reply. Within few minutes, we questioned and answered in few words while having our drink.

Now, after an hour I was having some sort of control over my emotions and senses and it grew easier every second to talk to you. I clipped my hair back by putting the cup down but suddenly you stood up and I thought you are leaving and I got panicked because I got scared for the reason that what I did is making you irritate and so you are leaving. You are looking at me once again and I thought I am doing that leg shaking again but I recognized that ‘No’ it’s not the matter. Now I am looking into your eyes curiously with anxiety and trying to scrutinize what it is going on your head.  While I am trying to look in your eyes, I felt that you picked something from the table but didn’t saw what it is until your hand reached to my lips. And here my concentration breaks. I looked to your hands and at that very stance your hands touched my lips with a tissue in them. I got it quickly that I got chocolate crusts on my upper lips. This gentle touch is so amazing and I feel so out of the world. You are smiling again by looking at me as I got lost in my fantasy.  Yes you do smile a lot. A lot. And that make me shivered from spine to toe every time.

These became normal within a very short span and I just loved to be with you every time, I literally enjoyed every moment, cuddles, prom, adventures, kisses and everything that we did for each other. But now six months passed away and I am missing something. Something very crucial for being in a relationship but unable to detect or get it right that what it’s that is bothering me so much. We did argue sometimes and even had a big fight with no reason once, but then what’s there that’s missing if it’s not a fight? Well, I didn’t know it until you said to me one day suddenly when I wasn’t prepared to listen what you were gonna say. I just asked you to allow me to go for trip alone if you aren’t getting time for going with me. And you said “No! Never, I don’t trust you”.

Wow! brilliantly shocking it was. So this is what was bothering me. Yes! That’s what was missing from our relationship since the very beginning. We never had trust in our bond. I never realized that intimacy and touches aren’t what is called love. Actually the mutual understanding was missing, the faith that we didn’t had on each other will never gonna make this relation work unless there’s a change.

But when you didn’t listen to me and tried to act like normal and told me that it’s not an issue we do have to worry about and you don’t wanna discuss about it ever, it jolted me with a shock.

And I realized this can’t be a relationship. It’s like I have signed a consent to be your girlfriend just for sole reason that you are handsome and merely this. No reason other than this. May be my friends and well wishers were correct that I chose you because I was physically attracted to you and same was the case with you.

​

“It’s not possible for a star to be with sun,

Or a day to be with moon,

Maybe the choices, now want me to run,

Hope I will reach my destination soon.”

Hope you have read the previous parts, if not, here is the link:

Part 1:

https://www.oyewiki.com/thoughts/the-sights-of-love-part-17-7-11-2017

Part 2:

https://www.oyewiki.com/thoughts/the-sights-of-love-part-27-10-11-2017